Who is in charge of choosing what games are at the Fair? I am sure it is not the Fair Board. It can’t be the front office, and from the looks of it, it isn’t the people who attend the fair, either. There is no more selection at these events. They have it down to popping balloons, getting a ball in the bin, and basketball with a “non-regulation” hoop. There were several of each of these games this year, no variety, no dime or quarter toss, no ring around the bottle neck, no ping pong ball in the fish bowl, none of the classics.
I miss the old days of dime tosses, later raised to quarter tosses. I was really good at those, even when they topped everything off with platters instead of drinking glasses. “Winner winner winner! We have a winner here!” They would yell as they brought me the shot glass that says Las Vegas on the side. I guess that doesn’t look as good as making a ruckus and handing me a big Tony The Tiger with a crooked eye. What about the other games? Too many people were playing basketball (or thought that was what they were doing).
What does “non-regulation” hoop mean? It means that unless you have been practicing the “trick” for a couple years every day like the carny, your chances of making it are slim to none. They also change the rules on you, or make rules that are not posted. For instance, I watched a ball bounce off one hoop and into the adjacent hoop. He didn’t get a prize because the carny told him it had to be in the same hoop. We all yelled and booed over the injustice, but the carny just didn’t want to pay out another prize. Did you know that some people are scared of carnies?
How about those rims? What does “non-regulation” really mean? It means the hoop is deceptively shaped. It is as wide as a normal hoop so you think you have a chance to win, and not so far out so you won’t be able to bounce it in off the backboard. It is oval shaped, so if you don’t get it in just right it will hit the rim and bounce back. The rim is as “deep” as the ball with a little clearance to make it possible if you do it just right, like the carny shows you. There is very little room. That is why they have siding on these games so you won’t go on the side and see the shape. I recommend you watch it from the side some time so you can see how close it is to the size of the ball.
I was shocked at how many people were doing it, even though they now have “non-regulation rim” posted on the game. They legally have to tell you about the rim. Sometimes when they have a line of people waiting I will yell out, “What shape is the rim?” to which (after they ignore the first 5 times I do it) they have to answer, “Oval.” They brush it off, but I make sure people in line realize that means the rim is designed for them not to make it unless the ball comes straight down into it. I am surprised how many guys tell me they know that already, and still try it. Ask the carny to do it, and you will see. The ball goes straight up, and straight down. No angle.
The trick is that they put only big animals at these games because of the odds. That attracts the macho guys that will pay $5 to show off to their honey, and keep putting out $5 until they win. Then they take their $45 prize home with them and smooch. Nobody cares that they could have got the same thing at Toys R Us for only $20. Also, pay attention to the prizes. They are usually factory seconds or low quality. I’ll deal with that later in this post.
How about this game of getting the ball in the basket or bin? There are two versions of this. One is that you toss it directly in a tub and it bounces out because of the angle of the tub and shape of the bottom. It basically tosses the weighted ball back out of the tub with a springy bottom so you don’t have a chance to win. You have to put some back spin on the ball so it won’t hit the bottom so hard and bounce back out. You usually have to get 2 or 3 balls to stay, and they know you get sloppy after the first one. How many people play this? I didn’t see anyone doing it yet (light carnival crowd for the opening of the fair), and even in Santa Maria not many were doing it.
The other version is with the slanted board you have to bounce off with a light ball that will bounce back at you instead of going in the basket at the bottom. The trick again is back spin and angle. You have to get it to bounce as it is already heading down and losing speed. If it hits it too hard, it will bounce out too far. Again, I didn’t see many people doing this game. Maybe they are getting smarter? No, they were still playing basketball so it’s not that they’re getting smarter.
The other game is the balloons. What is the gimmick here? Dull darts? Watch the balloons. Oh, all the pretty colors and variety. They blow up balloons and replace them when they get enough popped. They don’t fill them all the way. Try this at home. Blow up some balloons with a different amount of air in each and see which ones are easy to pop. The thinner ones are easier to pop. These have more air in them. They may not be bigger. Look at the color of the balloon. If it is a brighter thinner color, it has more air in it and will pop easier.
Of course, how many people can throw a dart that accurately with the power needed? We just throw the dart in the general direction and hope we hit one straight on. Instead we graze them, or hit the ones with thick skins. Nope, not so easy to win. Besides, even if you did win this, you don’t get the big prizes until you win a few times. Some will give you a bigger prize if you pop 3 in a row. Just watch people doing it for a bit, and see if they are popping. If so, maybe you have a chance.
Back to the animals and prizes. Be careful when you go do a game. They put out all the big prizes and you think you will win something nice. Then when you win, they reach into a box and pull out a 7 inch snake as your prize. “Wait, what about those up there?” “See the bottom row behind the boxes where you can barely see what you will really win? That is for your first win. Then once you win 3 of those, you can trade up to the next level. Then when you win 2 of those, you can trade up to the big ones. That will be another $5 if you want 3 more darts.”
Look at the prizes, too. One time I won a prize then saw where they had removed an extra tail and sewed it up. I am not making this up. It was obvious that the stitching was different. Maybe the prisoner that sewed it up was trying to tell us something. Maybe China is performing strange operations on prisoners to see if they can grow a tail or two, or an extra leg. Maybe he or she was on hallucinogens when they sewed it up with two tails. Maybe they were numb with boredom in the sweat shop, or falling asleep in the heat and smells of all the sweaty bodies in a small factory crowded in inhumane conditions to make $1 stuffed carnival prizes that the carnivals make insane profits off of.
That is why you will find Stewie with a missing finger, Snoopy with one ear shorter than the other, and Spiderman with the design upside down. Quality control at the Marvel Comics people turned him away so the distributor sold them to the carnival for pennies on the dollar. No loss, and no need to waste the efforts of that poor Taiwanese sweat shop worker just because she was falling asleep from heat and hunger.
What ever happened to good old American Made carnival prizes? They haven’t existed ever since the unions got fair wages for their textile industry members. Almost all the jobs have gone overseas, but at least the few that still have jobs are getting paid decent. Just to supplement their income, their spouses are working as carnies so be nice to them.
