Hey, it’s fair time. Smell the corn dogs, cotton candy, beer, and bullwhat? Oh, and how about those garlic fries? Okay, that is my own peeve. I grew up with garlic in just about everything I ate (except my cereal, that explains why I ate a lot of King Vitamin and Quisp). I remember my mother putting cloves of garlic in slits she made in the roast. Not only did I have bad breath, I had bad garlic breath. How can you kiss someone after they’ve loaded up on those garlic fries? You can smell those from all around when they are cooking them.
Anyway, that’s not what this post is about. Are you going to the fair this year? I went to the Santa Barbara County Fair this year and for the last couple of years. It is more of a carnival than a fair. Heck, there are a couple of barns, a couple rows of vendors a building of products (which was pretty pathetic this year), and a couple buildings with displays of art and plants. Oh, and let’s not forget the kid display this year. That perpetual ball thing was really captivating. I must have got lost in it for about a half hour each time. The carnival part was the biggest part, but most of the rides weren’t very interesting. Did you see the giant alligator?
Did you go in the poultry barn? How sad was that? If you weren’t vegetarian before that, it makes you either want to become one, or want to go eat as much chicken as you can to put those poor stupid things out of their misery as quick as possible. What’s with the tons of turkeys they had? Did you know our national bird was almost the Turkey? Thanks, Ben. I think we should have put the turkey on the $100 bill instead of Ben.
Anyway, it wasn’t much of a show. I cannot believe that is all they can muster up from all of Santa Barbara County. Maybe it’s because of the location, maybe it’s because SB County is not so much agriculture any more. Maybe they need to do like the Mid State Fair and concentrate on entertainment instead of community service. I think that is what they did this year. Can you imagine free shows from Edie Money, Chubby Checker, Little Anthony and the Imperials, Craig Morgan, and Peter Frampton? Damn! That’s entertainment! Good going, guys!
That brings us back to the Mid State Fair, the leader in entertainment. Oh wait, not so much this year. In fact, there aren’t many good free shows this year. What happened? The headliners took up too much of the budget? I think it is a combination of that, and the fact that attendance is not as strong as it used to be. I am going to a few shows, but not any of the headliners.
Are you doing the same thing? At up to $84 a pop for tickets, who can afford to go there? I would rather spend that same money at Chumash, Tachi, the Pac, or the Santa Barbara Bowl to see a FULL show, not the fair version. You don’t think there is a difference? If you have an artist putting on a horse show at the fair, or you have 2 artists in that show, you are getting it abbreviated.
That is my first point about the fair. It seems that there is a lot of competition for entertainment around here now. We have all those places to go see a show then either gamble or go home without the hassles of bumping into crowds of people and fighting them to get out of town. It is so much easier to do.
I have to give the old fair board credit, though. They did a great job of attracting artists in the past. My question is, can it be continued? Will the shows sell out? Is there enough interest in Weird Al and Fergie? Or maybe Weird Al lampooning Fergie? Is there enough interest in Toby Keith?
We get a young jazz player (I guess we couldn’t get Dave Matthews) and pay $36-52 for his show (his tour listing looks like a who’s who list of “who cares where I am” towns), $2 more for Toby Keith (before he hits Vegas ~ the most cowboy town I know), Steely Dan (at least he will be performing at cities that have their own airports), Stone Temple Pilots (such a bargain at $22-48), Alan Jackson (finally a big name in country), Matchbox 20 (great comeback, guys!), Rod Stewart and Bryan Adams (part of the “Wrinkle-While-You-Work” Tour – Have you seen those guys lately?), Fergie (is she really on the right stage? People will think they are in the barn when the stink hits), Boz Scaggs (he’s at the artsy unplugged stage of his career – that’s the point just before they find out people want it the way it used to be, not the way it is in their head), and Sawyer Brown. Does anyone remember when they were a FREE show at the fair? How do they feel sharing their ticket money with a bunch of bulls?
What ever happened to shows like Ray Charles, Charlie Rich, Doug Kershaw, and Kenny Rogers? Even Diana Ross, Julio Iglesias, Huey Lewis, and the Beach Boys had real draw. I remember when shows sold out weeks before the fair. In fact, they have put scalpers out of business. I don’t see them in the classifieds for $100 more than they originally cost any more. Maybe that was their plan all along. Offer entertainment that is just so-so, and scalpers won’t get rich. Now you have to consider the price of gas in your entertainment dollar, too. Live in SLO? You better have an extra $20-30 to spend to get there.
Is there anyone I really like? Yeah, the free shows. Come on, think about it. When they get to the free show point in their career, that is when they revert back to the band they were when we loved them. Chubby went through some cr@p songs, then came back to his roots. Now he is interesting again. This is like Gary Lewis and the Playboys, Blood Sweat and Tears, The Spinners, and Grand Funk Railroad. How real is that?
Yep, I’m going to see them, but how am I going to get there? Here is the second point of my post today. They set up some buses to run routes and disperse parking around town. Oh boy. I can ride on a school bus and feel like a kid again. What I don’t like is worrying if I am going to get a seat on the next bus back to my car. I also don’t want to pay $7-10 to park in someone’s yard. So they get part of their rent paid that day. What gives them the right to go into the parking lot business? Why doesn’t the city crack down on this?
Is it because the city actually WANTS the parking near the fair? That means they are on CONTRACT with the city. If the city fails to stop them, that means the city endorses it. Hey there is a deep pocket in case someone messes up your car while parked in Billy Bob’s front yard between the dead grass and the broken bicycle. These people make money every year. If you figure 12 days of letting people park for $5 each, and you can easily park 3 cars in your yard (some even block off the street in front of their yard), that means $15 a day for 12 days for a minimum of about $150 (round number) plus if someone leaves and you rent to two new cars, you could make around $250-300 during the fair. Hey, let’s get a case of Jack Daniels!
Of course, you have the museum, the fair, church, clubs, and organizations getting money for parking in the lots, too. They get to make a few bucks on the side. What is it like to live near the fair? The noise, the traffic, the people, the parking, is it wonderful there? I guess when you live near train tracks anything is fine. I won’t reveal my little parking secret. Let’s just say that I have only paid for parking about half a dozen times over the years I have gone to the fair.
The city should do something about it, but they won’t. They want people to have the parking so they will come to Paso. Never mind the fact that they don’t buy anything else while they are there except Taco Bell or KFC. I think I’ll hit A&W this year. I used to love those Papa Burgers and frosty mugs. Have you seen that giant burger they serve now? Ask them for the gigantic one and see if you can eat it all. Anyone for a $5 foot long instead? The city of Paso Robles is not really what you call proactive.
The other problem I have with the fair is the carnival. I actually spotted a loose bolt on the kiddy ferris wheel. When I pointed it out to the ride operator, he didn’t seem to care. After all, it’s just a kid ride, how far can they fall? Each year they have a new ride or two. I wonder if this year it will slam you around, beat you up, turn you upside down and spit you out. Oh wait, that’s the fighting I am thinking of. That’s another issue I’ll deal with. Oh, and they took out the waterfall fountain access! How lame is that? I used to love taking a little walk up and around that. Were kids necking up there too much?
Back to the carnival, though. No more dime toss, the basketball game is rigged because the rim is oval instead of round, you can’t win the big prizes until you win several games (and spend more than you would buying the thing at Walmart!) and the carnies get scarier each year. Not only that, but the people who operate the rides don’t even bother watching what they are doing. They set the timer then glance around until something catches their attention. I guess I should be thankful they do all of that for our pleasure. “All hail the mayor of Carnietown!” Keep their spirits up, Your Honor. No, I don’t mean Pismo Beach this time.
So let’s come back to the main part of the fair. Food and vendors. The fair makes a lot of money on businesses that want to display their goods at the fair. They have several buildings and outdoor areas for them, and the food stands line the walkways like the Vegas Strip in lights. Corn, egg rolls, lemonade, those darn garlic fries, hot dogs, corn dogs, pizza, oh, the indigestion. How about a Rolaids stand? I could never see myself standing in one of those trailers with the funky outfit and hat the girls wear at Hot Dog On A Stick. I mention this because I have actually seen a GUY working at the one in Santa Maria. OMG, I had to hold myself back. I almost died, and wanted to run up there so bad, but I controlled myself. I’m not saying I wanted to get with him, I wanted to make fun of him. Get real.
The vendors come from around the country to sell their stuff. It dices, it slices, it shreds, it sucks, it turns purple when you squeeze it. There used to be all sorts of fun things sold there. Ginsu, TV Chopper, back massager, and the latest greatest cooking system ever shown on late night TV. The guys and gals are always upbeat, make you laugh, and put on a show. Now you don’t see so many of them. It is mostly local businesses just trying to get a head start on sales. It is such a hassle too, because they have to get someone to watch their stores while they come to the fair. Then they sit, and sit, and sit, and sit. How boring is that? I think I’ll go out and get a snack.
Of course, food and drink is overpriced, and that is why people go across the street. Well, maybe that and the fact that there have been Hepatitis scares with food vendors at the fair. Have you tried to use the restroom at Taco Bell during the fair? Do yourself a favor and use the dirtiest porta potty you can find before you go there. You’ll be glad you did. People are so disrespectful and dirty. They don’t care that they ruin the experience for other people. What ever happened to kindness and common courtesy?
Back to the fair. That kindness and courtesy is maintained at the fair by police and security. You see jackets with “PROBATION” on the back, you see uniforms, badges, bad ass people (serving the beer) and you feel so secure. Right. They aren’t paying as much attention as you might think. I find them all the time talking with pretty girls, laughing, flirting, just being part of the scenery. Hey, over here! Did you see that guy take her purse? Stop flirting and chase him! Okay, I’ve never seen or heard of a purse snatching there, but I could see it happen anyway with the security they have.
That brings us to the animals. Now here is where the fair shines. Shiny bright high schoolers and junior high schoolers bringing their animals to the fair to show them off and sell them to get slaughtered. Yep, get the animal to trust you and like you then ship it off to get chopped up and wrapped in Saran Wrap. I’m sure there are times when they would rather do that with their siblings, but that is how kids are. Never mind that these kids go out and drink, have sex, do drugs, and get into fights when they are not around their animals. What? You say they don’t do that? I say you haven’t raised any kids in 4H or FFA, or you did and thought they were all as nice as your kids.
Fair is a time for them to run off together, hold hands, and do whatever the heck they want while you are at the concert or back at the motel room catching some TV. I know what I have seen, and there is nothing any security guard can do about it. Yes, they carry on. But it’s good that they are there with their animals, being responsible young adults. Let’s hope they are responsible enough to use condoms.
Do I like the fair? Yes I do. My other concern is that they cannot keep this up. It will implode sooner or later. They will spend too much, and get too little. Attendance has dropped. Is that why show tickets seem a bit cheaper this year? Maybe that is why there are not so many BIG names like they used to have. They used to attract the real entertainers, performers that were hot on the radio right now. Now they are lucky to get a couple of the real big big names. They cost money, you know. Even with the great entertainment they had at the Santa Barbara County Fair, attendance was down 4.5%. Will that be the case at the Mid State Fair?
It’s no secret that the true benefit of the big names is to boost general attendance. If you sell out a show, you get bigger fair attendance at the main gate, too. This drives sales for the vendors, carnival sales, and makes everyone want to do it every year. Why did they go from Butler Amusements to Davis Shows? To save money? It just doesn’t seem as good as it used to be. Well, if you cut back on the rides and attractions, people won’t be as interested in coming. Oh, but they do have a wine garden. Give me a break.
Is this thing getting long yet? I have a lot to say. I don’t think the Mid State Fair is going to drive attendance this year. I think with tourism down, gas prices up, people’s interest waning, I think this year will be the worst year yet. I see a spiral starting, and I hate to see that happen. Ever since the change in leadership, this fair has been borderline. It has become cheap, predictable, and uninteresting. I will still go for the free shows and my cinnamon rolls, and to see what is new in the vendor areas. I don’t care about the carnival any more, either. Oh, that reminds me to talk about the fights.
A friend and I were by the carnival. This tall guy comes up to bum a cigarette from my friend and he gives it to him. The next thing we know, some skinhead joker comes up and yells at my friend. It turns out the string bean was his 17 yr old son, and he was mad at my friend for giving him a cigarette, even though he probably got them all the time anyway. If you could judge a book by it’s cover, this book would be about trailer trash, drinking, and fighting. It wouldn’t be a suspense novel, I can tell you that for sure.
Anyway, they started yelling at each other again. My friend watched in case something happened, and I got the attention of some police that were around the corner. They calmed down, though. The point is, any time you get beer, idiots, and tempers together, you have a show. It used to be that you would see fights every now and then. Now, they crack down on people right away. Maybe that is another reason they are having money problems, the amount of security they need to hire. I say let the beer vendors pay for security, and just charge an extra buck per beer. People will pay it but drink less, and have less trouble.
Maybe that’s too simple of a solution to that problem. We’ll just see how the fair goes, right? My prediction? Low numbers, high debt, and a change in management. I foresee a total change in the way the Mid State Fair operates for next year. I think they will get smarter after this, and realize they need to get more attractions in there, and make it more interesting. I wouldn’t be surprised if they bring in the local roller derby to put on shows every night. Hey, that would get me to go more. Wham, bam, bang! Check out the chick in the pink dress beating up the one in the blue dress! Now THAT’s entertainment. Sometimes it’s politics, too.
The Opinionator
You Are Brilliant. Nice Work HEre >:[[
Comment by caring christmas live tree — November 29, 2008 @ 3:45 pm |